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SPAM: Complex Musk & Clean Spice Scent
$16.00
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SPAM
Finally, a SPAM You'll Actually Want to Open.
(Disclaimer: Does Not Smell Like Pork. Or That Nigerian Prince Who Emailed You. Probably.)
Are you absolutely inundated with offers for suspiciously good deals, inexplicable inheritance, or the latest "must-have" gadget you absolutely don't need? Do you, deep down, harbor a morbid curiosity about that mysterious blue-canned meat product that graces disaster preparedness kits worldwide?
Well, your search for existential aromatic irony ends here.
Introducing "The SPAM Candle"—because some things just defy explanation, and we decided to bottle the feeling. This isn't just a candle; it's a multi-layered commentary on modern life, meticulously crafted to smell absolutely like its infamous namesakes. (Thankfully.)
Prepare for a sensory journey so unexpectedly delightful, you'll wonder if it's too good to be true. (It's not, we promise. Mostly.)
S IS FOR SPEARMINT: That initial, crisp, almost shocking burst of cool, clean mint. It’s the refreshing moment of clarity when you delete a hundred junk emails, or the subtle "minty fresh" aftertaste you'd wish a certain canned meat had. It's invigorating, just like blocking that persistent telemarketer.
P IS FOR PATCHOULI: Oh, the rich, earthy, and utterly grounding depth of patchouli. This is the scent of ancient servers humming in a forgotten data center, or perhaps the mysterious, primordial ooze from which all great (and terrible) ideas spring. It’s complex, a little hippie, and definitely not bland.
A IS FOR AMBER: The warm, golden, and slightly sweet embrace of amber. This is the seductive glow of your phone screen at 3 AM as you ponder that bizarre "work from home" scheme, or the luxurious, comforting scent of something utterly, unexpectedly valuable. It's the promise of riches... without the actual phishing scam.
M IS FOR MYRRH: The final, intriguing layer of myrrh. Resinous, deep, and subtly bitter—it's the ancient wisdom gained from enduring countless pop-up ads, or the complex, almost spiritual aroma of surviving another Monday. It adds a sophisticated, mysterious finish that will make you ponder life's great unanswered questions. (Like, "Why S.P.A.M.?")
So, light "The SPAM Candle." It’s bold. It’s baffling. It’s absolutely nothing like what you expect. It's a scent adventure that proves some SPAM is actually worth celebrating. Probably.
CARE & MAINTENANCE
These aren't your average fruity candles—treat them with the respect they deserve to ensure a long life and maximum throw.
General Maintenance & Safety (The Rules)
- The First Burn: This is the most crucial step. When you first light your candle, allow the entire top surface of wax to melt completely to the edges of the container. This usually takes 2-4 hours, depending on the size. This prevents "tunneling" (where the wick burns straight down the middle) and ensures the candle burns evenly for its lifetime.
- Wick Trimming (The Must-Do): Before every single burn, trim the wick to 1/4 INCH (about 6 mm). Use a wick trimmer or nail clippers. A long wick causes mushrooming, black smoke, and fast burning.
- Burn Time Limit: Never burn your candle for more than 4 hours at a time. Burning longer overheats the container and burns off the fragrance oil too quickly.
- Stop Point: Discontinue use when only 1/2 INCH (1.2 cm) of wax remains at the bottom. Burning past this point can lead to the glass overheating or cracking.
- Placement: Always burn your candle on a stable, heat-resistant surface, away from drafts, children, pets, and flammable materials (like curtains or papers).
4 oz Travel/Sample 1.5 – 2 hours {3 hours max}
8 oz Standard/Medium Room 2 – 3 hours {4 hours Max}
16 oz Large Room/Statement Piece 3 – 4 hours {4 hours Max}
SHIPPING & RETURNS
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